The worst thing about having a blog is the tendency to read everything over with the voice of Carrie from the Sex in the City in your head. It makes you want to erase everything.

I don't feel bad that I didn't go to see William Kentridge--who I'm told is a pretty great animator--talk and show his films today. I'd never heard of him before and I really wanted to eat lunch/take a nap. Also, and you may know this, I have a knee-jerk reaction to people saying "you HAVE to see/watch/listen to/read this ____" unless I really feel that the person telling me is on the same page as me. IN ADDITION, when the grad students in my class are saying it, I become particularly suspicious because, fuck they can talk shit sometimes (not always).

The other reason that I didn't want to go was that I felt pretty overwhelmed by all the stuff (other people call it "art") that I took in the day before:

1. Two films by Jean Vigo (who only made four films total*), Zero de Conduite and L'Atalante. The first about an anarchical boarding school where the kids stage a mini-revolt, the second a love story set on a French barge.

2. Episodes 9 and 10 of The Wire, 1st Season. At times in this show, things are a bit overwrought, but overall the whole thing-- the details, bureacracy, and strategy of police procedure--is just genius. And it never has to be melodramatic, the drama just comes so naturally. Episode 9 contains a chase sequence that had me cheering by the end.

3. Couldn't sleep so I read a bit of the new Best American Nonrequired Reading Anthology. Ryan Boudinot's "Free Burgers For Life" made me a) wish that I read more really cool literary journals that would contain such a story in the first place b) think that maybe just maybe I could have given creative writing a more serious go c) read the last paragraph so fast -- not just because I wanted to read the end, but because the tempo of the sentences seemed to accelerate somehow like everything was going to crash I just had to speed up like I had no control over it. Nothing crashed, but it left me feeling intensely crashed. Wow. I also read Beck's introduction to the anthology after 30 more minutes of sleeplessness. It's okay too.

So these are not recommendations (although you may take them as such if you trust me enough) but reasons why I did not go see William Kentridge's talk and films this afternoon -- I was still overwhelmed from the day before. How much ART can someone take?


*I actually love it when someone only puts out a tiny bit--or even manageable of amazing work. Then I can see/watch/listen to it/read it all and confidently say that I saw/watched/listened to/read it all. Cheers to: Jesus and Mary Chain, TIntin, Terence Malick. Fuck you, John Ford and Jacques Derrida.

1. I was in a secret/"underground" movie theatre last night to watch The Bicycle Thief. It wasn't just a cheesy video projector and some couches either. It was a straight up 35mm projector, graduated seating, and sound system deal that these guys I know have in their house! Too crazy. If you come here, we'll go.
2. Graffiti in bathroom at Filter reads: "Oh, Canada, how could you?" I'm with Scott on this though - read his election day post on Hail Nothing.
3. Late night discussion on #6 Jackson Park Express last night on black history lead to the following utterance: "Abraham Lincoln did not care about black people!"
4. My parents are coming next weekend.
5. Right now I'm into: Kung-fu movies, The Wire, Aggro-dance music, sociology of the avant-garde.

Miss everyone lots.

N

Just so you know, I wrote the last blog entry--the one I erased--BLIND DRUNK. There were messages of support for it to stay up, but I talked to Tobin on election day and he said everyone was laughing at it, so I'm glad I took it down. If you didn't read it, it was a mostly incoherent cry for help mixed in with some attempting-to-be Whitmanesque prosiness about walking in the same steps, same pavement as everyone else and loving everyone. That's it.

Anyway, right now I'm in a corner of the library behind stacks of microfilm fiddling around on my computer, mostly looking like a complete pervert probably.

I was talking to someone recently who said that someone, maybe T.S. Eliot, said that writing in lists is the _____ way to write (best? most poetic?) I agree, mostly because lists are easy to read and sort through and I don't really have time to read someone's idea of what good writing is. So:

- Thanks to the Chicagoans who helped me out of the CTA turnstile that I got stuck in last week.
- There was an article in the right wing student newspaper this week about how UofC students insist on wearing sandals.
- Went to see Drunken Master with Jackie Chan last week and am going to see The 36th Chamber of Shaolin tomorrow
- Got new slim jeans at the Levis store.
- Starting looking up singles charts from 1988-1994. Just because.

I haven't been able to post for awhile due to not having an internet connection in my house. That, and not a lot is really new and exciting. Except that ...

The other night, I was heading to the Northside on the #6 bus towards the loop, and the Chicago skyline came into view, and for the first time I felt something like, "This is my city. This is where I live." That felt pretty good. I'm definitely feeling more on top of things lately. I've developed some very nice friendships outside of school and that's helped too.

The trade off of my life getting better might be that my blog gets boring. I'm going to try not to let that happen.

Don't worry, friend, I'm gonna keep on walking the knife edge. Believe.

N

Cell phone conversation heard outside the library just now:

"I have four generations of Harvard and ... of Princeton, my family will kill me if I don't get into one of those ..."

On the one hand, I feel for you. On the other hand, WHO are you?

In music news:

- Holy cow, Cingular Wireless has a new commercial out with Cat Power covering "Hanging on the Telephone" by The Nerves/
Blondie. It's so good and, as far as I can tell, totally unavailable anywhere. I got a 43 second clip of it off of Limewire. Watch
the commercial at: http://www.sambisbee.com/cingular/

- I'm getting my records to my new place this weekend I think. So excited.

- Got the illegitimate DFA produced Britney song. It's kind of bad, but interesting I guess.

- I also like "Hung Up" by Madonna, but it makes me feel super gay to listen to.

N

Moved in the rest of my stuff today and now have a "home" so to speak. Now everyone can come visit me. HOWEVER, I will tell you now that I am a graduate student in a doctoral program. This means that occasionally--well, most of the time--I am busy with school work and school-related activities. You can visit, just be aware that your whole stay does not revolve around you all the time, okay? We're cool then, right? Right.

One of the fun things, pretty much the only fun thing in fact, that I did while I was in Niagara-on-the-Lake, was hang out with Olivia and Paul and sneak into Fort George and Fort Mississauga. It was something I'd always wanted to do growing up, and something I never did. Here are some pics.

Well, I made it back.

Toronto was rad. I have really great New Year's pics, but it'll be centuries before I'm able to post them. I love you all, and I love Toronto.

Chicago.

Someone I met today told me that it is widely held that Hyde Park, as a neighbourhood, makes people suicidal. He also confirmed that UofC students are overly serious, unsociable, and perhaps spoiled. I was glad to hear this because I was worried that, in the words of Mike Hards, I was becoming a Dr. Don't-Like. I don't want to flog a dead horse here, but this proves I am not demented but, in fact, very perceptive. HYDE PARK SUX.

However.

Living in my new apartment, despite the fact that it contains none of my furniture yet, is great. I think I am going to enjoy living alone a lot. Don't take this as a pronouncment about the rest of my life (i.e. I don't want to become a hermit), but not worrying about roommates and what they think or what they don't do enough, or what they do too much, will be great. Parts of the apartment are kind of scuzzy, but for the most part I am happy. Again, pics to follow.

I am planning a housewarming party soon in order to show people here that I am a fun and unique individual. Also, it will be fun to have a party.

There's a war going on you know.